You must have heard that saying: "If at first you don’t succeed, try and try again". Perhaps you've lived by this – trying and trying, again and again, getting nowhere.
What happens then is that you lose all motivation. You start believing that nothing works, that you can’t change, that you’re doomed to stay stuck forever.
How we lose motivation
Loss of motivation is one of the biggest roadblocks to change. Many of my clients have felt this way. I’ve felt this way too. The pattern goes something like this:
Step 1: Find a new coach/program/book/diet.
Step 2: Begin first day/session full of enthusiasm and drive.
Step 3: Hit a roadblock, usually in the form of a stressful situation that sends you straight to your usual coping mechanism(s).
Step 4: Give up, because hey, it wasn’t the right coach/program/book anyway.
Repeat this pattern often enough, and you start internalising the belief that you are flawed, perhaps even more flawed than anyone else. And when you start thinking like that, guess what? Nothing will work. Because you’ve already decided it won’t.
How to break the pattern
Back to the opening line: If at first you don’t succeed, try and try again. I would edit that a little. If you try and try but nothing seems to be working, it could be that you’re band-aid’ing the problem, rather that looking at the root cause of the issue.
I see this often with dieting, which focuses on the food without looking at the emotional drives that underpin problematic dietary choices. I also see this with purely behavioural strategies that focus on shifting what you do without helping you understand and process the beliefs, emotions and past traumas that are keeping you stuck in patterns that no longer serve you.
Changing – whether that’s changing your diet, moving more, breaking old patterns, or reducing stress and anxiety – is a slow process that requires love, patience, and self-acceptance. It is essential to tap into these before you begin anything else.
We're so often in a hurry to "fix" an issue, but perhaps that is part of the problem. Saying something needs to be fixed implies that something is broken. But what if our challenges are actually the gifts we've been waiting for, enabling us to know ourselves better and create the life we truly want for ourselves. Instead of jumping right into the "how", we need to look at the "why" and assess the road blocks we might be putting in our own way.
So, if at first you don’t succeed, it’s time to take a break, step back, and reflect.
Some good questions to start with:
What do you believe about yourself and your ability to change?
What do you believe about your strength, will, and motivation?
Why is change important to you?
What can your challenges teach you?
How coaching can help
I use a combination of coaching and Compassionate Inquiry therapy to support you:
Understand the unconscious motivations behind patterns and beliefs;
Shine a light on your coping mechanisms and open a path to new, healthier ones;
Release self-judgement and quiet that inner critical voice that keeps you stuck;
Connect with self-compassion and acceptance for where you are now;
Identify the main areas for change – mindset, lifestyle, spiritual connection, diet, or a combination of all these;
Get clear on your goals and create actionable steps towards them;
Create a structure to support positive change.
Coaching is not a magic pill. It is a process of teamwork, co-creation, and inner work. A coach is an accountability partner, someone who journeys with you along the path of self-discovery and change.
As a coach, I am your wellbeing PA, your personal cheerleader, and your mirror. The journey might get uncomfortable, but I'll be walking beside you with authenticity and unwavering support.
If you’re ready for that, and would like to explore how coaching and Compassionate Inquiry therapy can support you, click the link below and book a free introduction call.
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